Hate to Love in 3 Pages
by Kel6
Summary: Lily and James have hated each other since first year, it's now fifth year and there's a ball! I bet you'll never guess what happens. This is a parody, and a very stupid one too.


Title: Hate to Love in 3 Pages (or "The Author has fun with the Thesaurus")  
  
Rating: G  
  
Summary: Lily and James have hated each other since first year, it's now fifth year and there's a ball! I bet you'll never guess what happens. This is a parody.  
  
Disclaimer: No profit is being made of this, except the occasional ego- boost from a review, and I'm pretty sure WB and JKR and all those big PLCs won't sue me for that. No similarity to real people or events is intended, honestly! Slight/major similarity to your fic is unintended, so don't flame.  
  
A/N: Another stupid parody, this is far more sarcastic and stupid than I originally intended, but I don't care.  
  
***  
  
Lily Evans and James Potter despised each other to the very core of their being. Of course, this was only natural because of the horrendous thing James had done to Lily in their first year. It was truly wicked and horrible and the worst thing that had ever been done to poor little Lily, so, clearly it was worth her hate. It was terrible, disgusting, and should make everyone reading shudder.  
  
The first time they'd met, in Diagon Alley, and Lily was carrying all her school stuff, James had done the nasty, horrific dreadful thing: he had bumped into her and made her drop all her things.  
  
I'm sure you will all agree with me in saying that this is more than enough to merit years of hate and enmity. Every single time they said: "I hate you!" the wedge between them was driven even deeper, because, as I'm sure you can see, that is such an appalling insult.  
  
This was such a great pity because, as the two of them were both so perfect, they were obviously perfect for each other.  
  
(Before you question the reality of a truly perfect person, I would like to say that to create the right characterization in this era, all the characters will originally be well balanced, but, because Peter is a little bugger who nobody likes, all their faults will be automatically transferred to him. As you know, he was obviously bad right from birth, despite the fact that he was trusted with their lives.)  
  
Anyway, like I was saying, pretty much every character in this will be perfect, and James and Lily are no exception: James is either cute or hot, whichever you prefer and his glasses and messy hair do not make him look dorky, no matter what his son is like. Every girl at Hogwarts is in love with either him or Sirius, except Lily. Lily has a perfect figure, glossy, radiant, glimmering, silky red locks and bright, shining, emerald eyes. Every single boy is in love with her, except James.  
  
But, here is the amazingly original thing: ever since they first met they've liked each other, but they don't dare tell anyone, especially not each other, so, under the surface of all the hatred, they both have secret feelings of love, lust, adoration, and attraction.  
  
Every time James says: 'I hate you!' or whatever equally witty insult he can come up with, he wishes he was saying he loved her, and he wishes she felt the same. It's so sweet, isn't it? After all, who doesn't want to read fifteen chapters of tremendously witty insults (such as: "I hate you!" and "you idiot!"), with many secret, internal monologues detailing the love they secreting feel for one another.  
  
Most unfortunately (for you, the reader) I am far too lazy to provide you with all fifteen chapters. I will add that you may have missed the occasional prank that James does on Lily, or vice-versa (I'm sure you're all so upset) and say that they will obviously be mature and sophisticated pranks, like turning their hair different colours.  
  
I should also tell you that they're now in fifth year.  
  
'I hate James Potter!' screamed Lily at the top of her voice. She was screaming to her best friend, Crystalia Sapphire L'Orangina, who had been suffering being screamed at about James Potter for many years, and was used to it. Crystalia (or Crys, so lazy me doesn't have to type it all) would actually have been perfect for Sirius, but, as this story isn't about them*, I won't drag on too long (I cut out the many chapters describing her hair because I was running out of memory on my computer).  
  
'Who are you going to the ball with?' asked Crys, because it was best to ignore her friend's mood swings.  
  
'Oh!' squealed Lily is a happy, perky, excited voice, because her mood swings so very easily from completely pissed off to joyous and cheerful. 'I don't know yet.'  
  
'I think Severus Snape will ask you,' said Crys. Everybody knows that although Severus Snape was a Slytherin, who knew more curses than the Death Eaters, completely ugly and with five tonnes of grease on his head, who hated Muggle-borns almost as much as he hated Sirius, he would still give everything he owned for the chance to go to the ball with Lily Evans.  
  
'Who are you going with?'  
  
'Sirius of course!' (bet you didn't see that coming!) replied Crys.  
  
Severus Snape did indeed ask Lily, and she accepted, mainly because James was standing near her and she wanted to make him jealous (lets just ignore the fact that if he truly hated her, like she thought, he wouldn't be jealous).  
  
*  
  
'I hate Lily Evans!' yelled James, extremely loudly.  
  
'Really?' said Sirius, sarcastically. 'You should have said something! I had no idea!'  
  
'Shut up! Did you know she's going to the ball with Snape?'  
  
'She's got terrible taste then,' said Sirius, calmly. Remus was in the library, studying, because, even though it was days before Christmas, he's never seen without a book. Peter was somewhere else and nobody really cared. 'Who are you going with?'  
  
'Amy Smith,' said James, Amy was nothing out of the ordinary and does not require a thesaurus to describe, she was short, with brown hair and eyes, she was a fifth year Hufflepuff.  
  
*  
  
When James went down to the ball, he couldn't help but notice that Lily looked amazingly beautiful, gorgeous and stunning in her wonderful dress robes. Snape looked like he belonged in a morgue.  
  
Lily looked at James and decided he looked absolutely fantastic and hot and incredible and any other nice adjective you decide to put in here. His partner looked nondescript and boring, as usual.  
  
They both had rather boring evenings, as Snape and Amy were very boring people.  
  
'Excuse me for a minute, Severus,' said Lily, politely. 'I'm going to get a drink.' He nodded and started talking to his various ugly, gorilla-type bodyguards. She went over to the drinks table.  
  
'Hello Evans, couldn't keep away from me, could you?' it was Potter. Lily's eyes narrowed and she gave him a disgusted look and got her a drink. He might be amazingly gorgeous, cute and good-looking, but that didn't mean she'd come to see him.  
  
'Shut up, Potter' she replied. 'Go back and talk to your partner. You're obviously having so much fun.'  
  
'Shut up yourself,' a truly amazingly insulting comeback. 'You're just an idiot!'  
  
'I know you are.' The maturity of their argument astounds me, I'm afraid some of the jokes and insults may get a little difficult for some of the dumber readers to understand (and the dumber writers to write), so I'll leave it there.  
  
James got tired of arguing and suddenly got up his courage and said: 'Lily! I love you! I've loved you since first year! Will you be my girlfriend?'  
  
'Oh yes! Of course I will!' squealed Lily and the years of hatred were forgotten. This, of course, is incredibly realistic and not in the slightest way rushed. They all lived happily ever after, except Snape, who hated James forever for stealing Lily.  
  
***  
  
A/N: *If you want to read more about Crystalia and Sirius and their marvelous relationship then go to "She's supposed to wait forever!" also on ff.n  
  
Thanks to all reviewers. 


End file.
